Fast Forward

So my life is very much about internship at the moment. 

Working in Pathology Department for two months is seriously enough for me. Have been entering almost every lab either for one week or two and the staffs will go "Wtf? One week only? Not enough lah!" 

Ok I made it up. They didn't say "wtf".

I know I've been ranting how much I hate about working in hospital. It's boring, it's lifeless, it's low paid...or maybe I just hate working in Malaysia after all cos when I'm ranting, sentences like "lousy Malaysia...", "Why working in Malaysia so low paid one..." and all the criticizes how horrible this country is; then later I will praise how good the other countries are, then our neighboring country- Singapore will always be the preferred example.

I think I'm gonna have 0 Malaysia friends in the end.

So I eliminate the possibility of myself working in hospital after I graduate as Bachelor of Science (Biomedicine). Meaning I eliminate the possibility of working as science officers and medical laboratory technologist. Basically I hate all the lab based jobs.

Then left sales. (sales here meaning working for companies like Rosche which supply medical equipment or reagents to hospitals and I'm doing direct sales or something like this.)

On the other hand, I wish to reach phD level because I'm a kiasu syndrome patient, no diagnosis is needed because I know myself well. I just wanna be better than other people and believe it or not, my "kiasu-ness" can always be the sole motivation to drive me reaching higher level of education.

Ok maybe I won't say this is "kiasu", but I just wanna be different, different in a better way.

But between sales and post grad, which is better?

This comes the fast forward part.

I got so much worries in my life that it can make me emo to the extent of not feel like eating....errrr supper. I worry I got not enough money to buy a car, to buy a house, to pay all the expenses for my future wedding fml, to travel to different countries, to take care of my parents, to eat good food, to provide education for my children (I want them to go oversea to study).

What if one day, I feel like eating out and my wife will say "Hubby, I'm gonna cook today. We have not much money left" and it's just the mid of the month! Then all we have is salted vegetable, salted egg, and salted fish for dinner. Pathetic it is. 

Or or what if one day, my children got like extremely good results in their SPM (O Level) and they failed to get scholarship from the government due to forever unsolved racism and also their super poor daddy who got no $$ to send them study abroad and they end up working part time and study, or whatever obstacles which stop them from studying abroad.That's even more pathetic right?

Life has always been involving money.

I wanna be wealthy- not because I'm a superficial guy who wishes to own all the branded stuffs in the world, but money, seems to be one of the most effective tool to solve problems. 

Those people who say they are poor but happy. They are indeed liars!

Hey when you got not enough money to pay your bills, are you happy? 

When your children asking for extra pocket money, and you can't give them, are you happy?

When you see others eating good at 5 Star hotel, and you're cooking maggi mee at home, you're happy or not!

Girls, when you see your friends are carrying designer handbags and you're using a fake one, cos you can't afford to buy one, you're unhappy too are you?

Yes, we are that realistic.

Money can buy happiness! Stop saying that money can't buy happiness.That's stupid.

I have always been hoping my life will fast forward x1000. I don't want to make wrong decisions in life like refusing to do my postgrad and start regretting that I go for sales since sales can earn like 5k a month even you're a fresh grad. Or vice versa- I regret I'm doing sales and wish I get back to study postgrad in order I got the title of "Dr" and I can earn like super a lot in the future.

wtf.

I think all I need is a fortune teller. But fortune teller can always be wrong after all right?

Maybe all those crazy stuffs popping on my mind is because I'm the only son in the family. I'm like pressurizing myself on my future planning even I'm 23. At the age of not even having a girl friend and seriously got no achievement apart from being an intern who laughs the loudest in the hospital fml.

I never get myself serious in life, I'm so happy go lucky that I even question myself that how can I get to this stage of my life after all and yet now I'm demanding so much?

God knows what happen to me in the future. I guess He should give more to someone that demanding like me. At least I'm working hard... ok even not as hard as others.